Fake It Until You Make It and Regret Nothing
Anyone that knows me knows that if they ask me something about what I'm doing, they'll probably get an answer along the lines of "I have absolutely no idea" or babble on in some jargon and hoping they don't understand it or start asking me questions. If they did, I probably couldn't answer them.
I almost never really know what I'm doing. Sometimes, I just ramble and somehow make a semi-coherent argument (maybe?). I think my last post is a good example of that. I live life going from one thing I know nothing about to another, but most people don't notice. People often tell me I'm good at something; I think it's hilarious because I usually have no idea what I'm doing. Some of my favorite phrases are: "This looks like it might look okay. I'll do that.", "Maybe if I do this, it'll work?", "This looks pleasing to the eye so there must be something right about it.", and "Maybe if I do this it'll fix it."
I might do something "well", but that doesn't mean that I didn't just make up an answer and happen to be right. If my Multi-variable Calculus class in my first semester of college wasn't an indication of that, I don't know what would be. I guess I have to thank my high school Calculus teacher for teaching me how to do derivations because I pretty much forgot everything I knew when I walked into a test and just started somewhere and derived the formula I actually needed somehow. I think my professor caught onto this. One time, during a quiz, he told me to stop deriving the formula I needed and told me the formula because the extra work wasn't required. I don't think he realized that I'd derived the formula because I didn't remember it. By some miracle, I made an A in that class. I still have no idea how, but I'm not going to question it.
I had an English professor in my freshman year that told us that his life motto was to "fake it until you make it." I'm pretty sure he was high most of the time, but he and I saw a lot of things the same way. I just saw the same things without the drugs. I already used that as my life's motto, but I realized that I take it a step further. My motto is: Fake it until you make it and regret nothing along the way. I stumble through a task with no real idea of what I'm doing and somehow make it work and regardless of what happened, I choose to move on with no regrets. If you need more information on why it's not worth regretting something, reread my last post (Why It's Not Worth Going Back to Change the Past).
I think that's extremely relevant in my life. Just ask my potential boyfriend. I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to love. I just end up doing it and getting it right sometimes. However, I regret nothing. Trust me, he asked me if I regretted anything a lot when we first started talking and getting close. My relationship with him may have moved fast, but I don't regret it. I figured out that a lot of things I did or said were because I was waiting to wait or because I thought I had to please someone else. I really only need to please myself. Maybe if things had been different, I might feel differently, but I also waited until I felt comfortable before I let anything happen.
Have you ever had an inexplicable urge to do something? I don't mean something dangerous or sexual, but maybe you're just in the middle of doing something and realize that you have this extreme feeling of the need to do something else. I've experienced this a few times and I've learned that for me, it's best to follow those urges.
That's how I met a guy that I talked to for a few months in Mississippi. I was looking at his Tinder profile and something about it just made me go "this one." I don't know what it was about him, but there was definitely something. He and I talked for a few months until we both got busy with school and didn't have time to talk as much.
Then, while I was going through all of my relationship drama back in February, I had an inexplicable urge to take a different route home from work. I was upset and angry, but by the time I made it home on the alternate route, I was completely fine. I'd managed to cope with everything. I think I just needed to go through a small town like where I grew up. It didn't solve the problem, but it made me feel a lot better about what I was going through.
A few weeks later, I got on Tinder for all of about five minutes or so. I got on because I needed a distraction, but I got off because I felt bad about being on Tinder again (again, a rant for later). However, I ended up staring at a profile for a few minutes, debating whether I should swipe right or not. I felt the same way I had about other things so I decided to follow my gut instinct. After all, it's gotten me this far. Now, that guy is my boyfriend.
I encourage you to try the same thing. Sometimes, you figure out what you're doing along the way, but other times, you manage to at least make it even if you still have no idea what you're doing. I don't think we're meant to always understand what we're doing. If we were, we wouldn't have a field called research or have so many things we don't know. Sometimes, you just have to fake it until you make it, but regret nothing because it's made you more of a unique person along the way.
Written: 24 March 2018
I almost never really know what I'm doing. Sometimes, I just ramble and somehow make a semi-coherent argument (maybe?). I think my last post is a good example of that. I live life going from one thing I know nothing about to another, but most people don't notice. People often tell me I'm good at something; I think it's hilarious because I usually have no idea what I'm doing. Some of my favorite phrases are: "This looks like it might look okay. I'll do that.", "Maybe if I do this, it'll work?", "This looks pleasing to the eye so there must be something right about it.", and "Maybe if I do this it'll fix it."
A few weeks ago, I helped rearrange some shelves to be more organized. When I was asked why I did some of the things I did, my actual thought was: "I made it look pretty. I didn't really think about what I was doing." That's a pretty accurate summation of most of my life. It looked pretty organized and I thought it was pleasing, but I didn't really think about what I was doing as I did it. I'm generally happy, so I must be doing something right, right?
My job right now also falls into that category. I was hired as an Controls Intern, but I've mostly done Software Development and IT so far. My potential boyfriend is jealous of my job because it's what he wants to do. He likes doing software stuff. I, on the other hand, prefer to move around and build things. Right now, I'm programming. I know a little bit about programming; I've taken a few of classes, but I'm no expert by any means. I got thrown into this project with a general knowledge of computational logic. I didn't know any of the languages the project used. Three months later, I still have no idea what the tool I'm developing actually does. I got handed a bunch of code and some Excel files and basically got told to make it better. I've been making fixes (apparently my boss thinks I'm pretty okay at my job?) and working on new features and I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. I just tend to do something and hope I don't break everything. I've spent so much time Googling and asking others about my problems that some people have just stopped responding to my emails.
My job right now also falls into that category. I was hired as an Controls Intern, but I've mostly done Software Development and IT so far. My potential boyfriend is jealous of my job because it's what he wants to do. He likes doing software stuff. I, on the other hand, prefer to move around and build things. Right now, I'm programming. I know a little bit about programming; I've taken a few of classes, but I'm no expert by any means. I got thrown into this project with a general knowledge of computational logic. I didn't know any of the languages the project used. Three months later, I still have no idea what the tool I'm developing actually does. I got handed a bunch of code and some Excel files and basically got told to make it better. I've been making fixes (apparently my boss thinks I'm pretty okay at my job?) and working on new features and I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. I just tend to do something and hope I don't break everything. I've spent so much time Googling and asking others about my problems that some people have just stopped responding to my emails.
I might do something "well", but that doesn't mean that I didn't just make up an answer and happen to be right. If my Multi-variable Calculus class in my first semester of college wasn't an indication of that, I don't know what would be. I guess I have to thank my high school Calculus teacher for teaching me how to do derivations because I pretty much forgot everything I knew when I walked into a test and just started somewhere and derived the formula I actually needed somehow. I think my professor caught onto this. One time, during a quiz, he told me to stop deriving the formula I needed and told me the formula because the extra work wasn't required. I don't think he realized that I'd derived the formula because I didn't remember it. By some miracle, I made an A in that class. I still have no idea how, but I'm not going to question it.I had an English professor in my freshman year that told us that his life motto was to "fake it until you make it." I'm pretty sure he was high most of the time, but he and I saw a lot of things the same way. I just saw the same things without the drugs. I already used that as my life's motto, but I realized that I take it a step further. My motto is: Fake it until you make it and regret nothing along the way. I stumble through a task with no real idea of what I'm doing and somehow make it work and regardless of what happened, I choose to move on with no regrets. If you need more information on why it's not worth regretting something, reread my last post (Why It's Not Worth Going Back to Change the Past).
I think that's extremely relevant in my life. Just ask my potential boyfriend. I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to love. I just end up doing it and getting it right sometimes. However, I regret nothing. Trust me, he asked me if I regretted anything a lot when we first started talking and getting close. My relationship with him may have moved fast, but I don't regret it. I figured out that a lot of things I did or said were because I was waiting to wait or because I thought I had to please someone else. I really only need to please myself. Maybe if things had been different, I might feel differently, but I also waited until I felt comfortable before I let anything happen.
Have you ever had an inexplicable urge to do something? I don't mean something dangerous or sexual, but maybe you're just in the middle of doing something and realize that you have this extreme feeling of the need to do something else. I've experienced this a few times and I've learned that for me, it's best to follow those urges.That's how I met a guy that I talked to for a few months in Mississippi. I was looking at his Tinder profile and something about it just made me go "this one." I don't know what it was about him, but there was definitely something. He and I talked for a few months until we both got busy with school and didn't have time to talk as much.
Then, while I was going through all of my relationship drama back in February, I had an inexplicable urge to take a different route home from work. I was upset and angry, but by the time I made it home on the alternate route, I was completely fine. I'd managed to cope with everything. I think I just needed to go through a small town like where I grew up. It didn't solve the problem, but it made me feel a lot better about what I was going through.
A few weeks later, I got on Tinder for all of about five minutes or so. I got on because I needed a distraction, but I got off because I felt bad about being on Tinder again (again, a rant for later). However, I ended up staring at a profile for a few minutes, debating whether I should swipe right or not. I felt the same way I had about other things so I decided to follow my gut instinct. After all, it's gotten me this far. Now, that guy is my boyfriend.
I encourage you to try the same thing. Sometimes, you figure out what you're doing along the way, but other times, you manage to at least make it even if you still have no idea what you're doing. I don't think we're meant to always understand what we're doing. If we were, we wouldn't have a field called research or have so many things we don't know. Sometimes, you just have to fake it until you make it, but regret nothing because it's made you more of a unique person along the way.Written: 24 March 2018