Why Can't We Be Just Friends?
* Originally Posted May 8, 2015
You are working the cash register at a small business. Not many people are in the building, so you look out the window, watching people walk down the street. A teenage boy and girl walk by, clearly in conversation. They don’t touch in any way, but they both smile at each other and seem to walk in step. They walk up to the front entrance of the store and the boy opens the door for the girl. What is your automatic assumption?
If you’re like most people, your first thought is that the two are in a relationship. If so, congratulations, you’ve stereotyped these two people. Now, don’t feel too bad about it; it’s a human instinct. Our brains are designed to categorize things that we sense. For example, if you’ve ever put your hand near a hot stove, you might get burned. Therefore, you associate a stove with the word “hot.”
But why is the same true when people see a guy and a girl walking together? Not every guy and girl you see together are in a relationship. Many girls have friends that are guys that they enjoy being around. For example, I tend to be around more guys than girls simply because of my interests. The same can also be true for guys.
This scenario actually happened to me. I was walking with a friend to get an afternoon snack for motivation to finish Chemistry homework that we were having trouble with. Since it was around two thirty in the afternoon, many people were in a lab or class, so we decided that we would go by ourselves. After getting to the business, we walked in and my friend held the door for me. However, when I went to pay, the person working the cash register asked if we were together, even though my friend was far behind me. Though this is a nice gesture, it can also be a slightly annoying one.
I’ve always had more friends that are guys than those that are girls. I’ve always been interested in building and sports more than many of the girls I know. Because of this, I get accused of being in a relationship with my friends often when in reality, I’m just hanging out with a friend. This stereotype is fairly harmless when no one gets mad about it, but when someone does get upset, major conflicts happen.
A recent example of this is when I was helping a friend with math homework the other day. He asked me for help on a concept he didn’t understand, so I offered to help him with it. At the time, I spent much of my free time outside doing work at a table behind the cafeteria since it was outside, had a place to work, and was quiet. We met up after dinner to work on the problem he needed help with and afterwards, we both sat there working on our own work until it got dark. There should be no problem with this situation. There wouldn’t be one if it were two guys or two girls. However, the problem came up when someone else decided to accuse us of being in a relationship. This made another student at school upset about the situation, which caused problems for everyone else around the situation.
One might argue here that when a guy and a girl hang out that they are asking to be accused of being in a relationship. How does having a friend of the opposite gender invite someone to be judged? We can choose our own friends, so why can’t we hang out with them without criticism from others?
You are working the cash register at a small business. Not many people are in the building, so you look out the window, watching people walk down the street. A teenage boy and girl walk by, clearly in conversation. They don’t touch in any way, but they both smile at each other and seem to walk in step. They walk up to the front entrance of the store and the boy opens the door for the girl. What is your automatic assumption?
If you’re like most people, your first thought is that the two are in a relationship. If so, congratulations, you’ve stereotyped these two people. Now, don’t feel too bad about it; it’s a human instinct. Our brains are designed to categorize things that we sense. For example, if you’ve ever put your hand near a hot stove, you might get burned. Therefore, you associate a stove with the word “hot.”
But why is the same true when people see a guy and a girl walking together? Not every guy and girl you see together are in a relationship. Many girls have friends that are guys that they enjoy being around. For example, I tend to be around more guys than girls simply because of my interests. The same can also be true for guys.
This scenario actually happened to me. I was walking with a friend to get an afternoon snack for motivation to finish Chemistry homework that we were having trouble with. Since it was around two thirty in the afternoon, many people were in a lab or class, so we decided that we would go by ourselves. After getting to the business, we walked in and my friend held the door for me. However, when I went to pay, the person working the cash register asked if we were together, even though my friend was far behind me. Though this is a nice gesture, it can also be a slightly annoying one.
I’ve always had more friends that are guys than those that are girls. I’ve always been interested in building and sports more than many of the girls I know. Because of this, I get accused of being in a relationship with my friends often when in reality, I’m just hanging out with a friend. This stereotype is fairly harmless when no one gets mad about it, but when someone does get upset, major conflicts happen.
A recent example of this is when I was helping a friend with math homework the other day. He asked me for help on a concept he didn’t understand, so I offered to help him with it. At the time, I spent much of my free time outside doing work at a table behind the cafeteria since it was outside, had a place to work, and was quiet. We met up after dinner to work on the problem he needed help with and afterwards, we both sat there working on our own work until it got dark. There should be no problem with this situation. There wouldn’t be one if it were two guys or two girls. However, the problem came up when someone else decided to accuse us of being in a relationship. This made another student at school upset about the situation, which caused problems for everyone else around the situation.
One might argue here that when a guy and a girl hang out that they are asking to be accused of being in a relationship. How does having a friend of the opposite gender invite someone to be judged? We can choose our own friends, so why can’t we hang out with them without criticism from others?